we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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