i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
