my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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