Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
