Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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