At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
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