he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
