ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I can't turn off my feet"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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