I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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