Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Use "feeling words"
Yay
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
