Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
