It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
