She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
