life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize