I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Sorry about my life...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
