your thong is hanging out like whoa
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
