Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
