You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
