the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
false alarm, still single
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
