I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Randomize