i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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