the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
