where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
