i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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