I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
