everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize