Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
