After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
