i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
