i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
