I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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