How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You're like the curious george of whores
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize