I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
This is my gift to your gina
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
