apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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