I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
