He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
