Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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