i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
