I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
