I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
