so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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