yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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