mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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