How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I looked at my own cervix.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
