It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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