my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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