he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
