it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
