I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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