You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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