Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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