As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
