ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
