matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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