She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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