I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
