can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
