sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
