New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
