he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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