just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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