Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
