The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
