dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
