someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
